(a picture of cherry blossoms I took in Regent's Park)

Today, I woke up feeling overwhelmed. Just like any other day, it's no surprise really. I showered with an anxious mind, and I couldn't wait to get out of the shower tub. There were a lot of reasons for my anxiety, it's everything that came together and formed a giant ball of negative emotions, hitting me mercilessly. I'm not even close to being a good Muslim to tell you the truth, but praying and talking to God felt so liberating, it's like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. It's amazing the power that prayer has. 

I'm overwhelmed by a lot of things, mainly my two assignments that are due next week. And I have my final exam in a month. My progress has been so slow and I regret procrastinating my work. Honestly, I wasn't in the best mental state these past few weeks. I feel like I never was throughout my years here. I'm just coping however I can, and that's how I survive those dreadful days in my life. I feel like I'm not putting my best effort into my studies anymore. I glorified my school days way too much, I was proud of who I was back then and hating who I am right now. Well, as you can guess, my self-loathe did not help me at all. I rely on my thoughts to counter this negativity and upon my reflection, I realised that I was unaware of a lot of things back then. Ignorance was indeed bliss for my previous self, but now that I'm in a different phase in my life, things are not the same anymore. Those rose-coloured glasses that I've been putting on have cracked bit by bit and finally shattered. My views on life are not the same anymore, and it's called growth. I've outgrown my past self and I shouldn't be punishing myself too much for that. Sure, it hurts like hell to know the reality of everything around me, but I've also learned a lot of lessons along the way. And that's the beauty of growth. I should be kind to myself and not regret everything that has happened, because I can't change the past. The past serves as a lesson for me, and it's amazing how the mind can see beautiful things in a rough journey. That being said, I must also be stern to myself to be more disciplined and take control of things that are in the present, because I'm the captain of my own life and nobody can ever take that away from me. Well, let's get started on your assignments! And maybe have that cekodok pisang for your breakfast cause the bananas are turning bad and your stomach has been asking for food. 😛

p/s: Yesterday, I was blog walking and discovered that there's still a huge community of Malaysian bloggers sharing their thoughts on this platform. I'm really glad that blogging hasn't died out, because it was once my escape, and I'm so excited to read and share more! ❤️